Yo dont text me then not text me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
