Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
