honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
