I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
