MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
