she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
