i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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