If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
