sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
