There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish you could order shots online.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
