check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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