I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
