I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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