dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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