So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
