Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
