420 ftw
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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