im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
