the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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