Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
