He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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