i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
