I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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