if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
