i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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