In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
