my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
