I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
