the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
