You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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