I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
