I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and she was petting her beer can
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
