I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
