When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i came on her dog
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
