these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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