did you get engaged???
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Four minutes until I can fart!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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