Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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