my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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