Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
