whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
