THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
