I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
