dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
