im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
