Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
