So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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