Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
