what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
