it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
