apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
