Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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