Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
