All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
