they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
