i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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