there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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