There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
