If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
