I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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