You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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