Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
