A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
