toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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