my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
