never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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