some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
